Well, Feb. 10th, and I'm finally getting around to posting another comment, something which I hopefully will be doing more and more frequently.
Since DIRTY WHITE BOY has been made available on Amazon Kindle's Select, I have been astonished by readers who have contacted me for a variety of reasons. Several have done so just to thank me for providing a truthful account, one which they could relate to on multiple levels. Some of these are unfortunately, painful to read about, because their addiction is currently active. I have opened a dialogue with a couple who need simply an alternative to the dogmatic constraints of the 12-steps. The only real advice I can honestly give anyone is my belief that there exists at least as many paths to sobriety as there are paths to addiction. Anyone who has read my book must certainly realize, I'm far from an expert regarding Recovery. I've had close to as many relapses as there are stars in this Galaxy; if you're looking for a "go-to-guy" regarding Recovery on any of it's levels, I promise I am not the one you seek.
My advice to one young lady was, however, quite simple. In Medical School I was taught to listen to the patient; they know much more about their body, and it's reaction to particular stimuli, than I ever will. I believe the same truth holds here. If you can't stomach the 12-steps, then devise your own regimen, by incorporating things and/or activities which you're drawn to. For me it was running and weight training; I also enjoy cooking, and reading, and of course writing. Once you decide which activities you're most passionate about, schedule them in a workable fashion. Preferably, such a schedule can be performed on a daily basis, and begun at once. Many in Recovery will find these activities become etched into their lives almost instinctually, as if they were congenital traits. Although strenuous physical exertion has worked best for me, I realize everyone is different; the essential thing is only that one should: "LISTEN TO YOURSELF." ********'You know yourself far better than two drunks in Akron, Ohio, way back in 1935.' This statement in no way is meant to disparage the contributions of Bill and Smith.....Their insights and dedication have saved millions of lives which would otherwise have been lost to Addiction. However, I can't help believing what they originally intended has since been distorted by fanatic extremists, who misguidedly have transformed this once simple message, and morphed it into a religious-type cult. No wonder why an ever growing number of addicts seeking Recovery, are rejecting this divisive philosophy. They instead look for alternative, more unifying avenues, which allow them some personal choice. This "customized," somewhat tailored approach to Recovery, constitutes a "personalized" regime which addicts have built for themselves. In this way, I believe, some addicts can achieve a successful Recovery, one which was formerly beyond reach. It would be great to hear from those with similar or contrary viewpoints, Ha! It would be great to hear from anyone at all!!!
This site is dedicated to all those who have been consumed by the horrors of Addiction, and its' powerful, uncompromising, and relentless obsessions. Addiction exudes a darkly powerful, but beguiling charisma, which facilitates it's transcendence over racial, intellectual, and spiritual strata. It's insidious intent, aimed exclusively and with malice, is to imprison it's victims within a lurid, unremitting nightmare.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Saturday, December 13, 2014
As the Holidays quickly approach, many of us find ourselves sinking into what has variously been described as a void.....a deep, dark, sometimes all-consuming vacuum of despair. A vacuum into which any and all potential for appreciating the season's joyful sentiments, are sucked brutally from our hearts and from our souls. Sound a bit melodramatic? Well, perhaps.....but, not at all melodramatic to those of us who endure this torture year by year. The chemically dependent individuals in this unfortunate population notoriously experience even greater anxiety/depression than those without addiction problems. Because such a large percentage of these folks have undergone persistent alterations in their baseline brain chemistry, it can be argued that this group suffers an unenviable, statistical affiliation. This injurious relationship is what's called an inverse proportionality. Such a reverse correlation exists when the degree of joy experienced by the non-affected population, is inversely proportional to the degree of depressed anxiety endured by the affected remainder. So, the happier they are, the more unhappy you become.....nothing happy or joyous about that type of association at all.
Realization of this sad correlation unfortunately does not imbue the distressed individual with any consistently proven and/or successful defence to overcome it. That being said, each of us can however, systematically test potential strategies and, by the tried and true elimination process of keeping the good and trashing the bad, build a multiplicity of countermeasures. Tactics which have proven successful to you. By gradually increasing your armament with this and other, perhaps better, perhaps equal to, perhaps less effective techniques, you can hone and polish these defensive mechanisms, using imaginative and creative embellishment. Over time, this will increase their effectiveness by compounding their potency, doing so continually as the years march ignominiously into oblivion. Now.....that's Melodramatic!
What are my particular strategies? Well, primarily I use Meditation as a sort of, "Panacea" against quite a variety of both physical and psychological malware. I lay quietly alone in silence, trying to achieve the virtually impossible esoterism of mental nothingness. Of course, focusing on "Nothingness" precludes all possibilities of achieving it, but as it works for me, that's my story.....and I'm sticking to it. Other ways in which I battle depression/anxiety include such simple but effective strategies as reading, writing, and /or.....yep, I'm gonna' say it......Fantasizing.....including sexual fantasy though not limited to it. It's amazing how fantasizing can eliminate such an incredible amount of mental malaise.....picture yourself as a Rock-Star, or a genius billionaire who just sold his brain-storm garage start-up corporation, and is presently on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....or an Actor who is currently shuffling through an enormous mound of movie scripts, each offering lead roles to the tune of 20+ millions of dollars.....I'll leave the more provocative, latter category to your abundantly creative imaginations.....it's one of those worm-cans which intuitively should be avoided whenever possible, especially within a forum screened and scrutinized for censorship.
You be the judge....you know yourself best.....since you're Addicts, well, that implies that you're also highly creative as well....not to mention resourceful, persistent, and deviously clever.....you know what you can do.....so get out and do it.....don't let the holidays rob your joy and/or peace of mind any longer......Frank.
Realization of this sad correlation unfortunately does not imbue the distressed individual with any consistently proven and/or successful defence to overcome it. That being said, each of us can however, systematically test potential strategies and, by the tried and true elimination process of keeping the good and trashing the bad, build a multiplicity of countermeasures. Tactics which have proven successful to you. By gradually increasing your armament with this and other, perhaps better, perhaps equal to, perhaps less effective techniques, you can hone and polish these defensive mechanisms, using imaginative and creative embellishment. Over time, this will increase their effectiveness by compounding their potency, doing so continually as the years march ignominiously into oblivion. Now.....that's Melodramatic!
What are my particular strategies? Well, primarily I use Meditation as a sort of, "Panacea" against quite a variety of both physical and psychological malware. I lay quietly alone in silence, trying to achieve the virtually impossible esoterism of mental nothingness. Of course, focusing on "Nothingness" precludes all possibilities of achieving it, but as it works for me, that's my story.....and I'm sticking to it. Other ways in which I battle depression/anxiety include such simple but effective strategies as reading, writing, and /or.....yep, I'm gonna' say it......Fantasizing.....including sexual fantasy though not limited to it. It's amazing how fantasizing can eliminate such an incredible amount of mental malaise.....picture yourself as a Rock-Star, or a genius billionaire who just sold his brain-storm garage start-up corporation, and is presently on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....or an Actor who is currently shuffling through an enormous mound of movie scripts, each offering lead roles to the tune of 20+ millions of dollars.....I'll leave the more provocative, latter category to your abundantly creative imaginations.....it's one of those worm-cans which intuitively should be avoided whenever possible, especially within a forum screened and scrutinized for censorship.
You be the judge....you know yourself best.....since you're Addicts, well, that implies that you're also highly creative as well....not to mention resourceful, persistent, and deviously clever.....you know what you can do.....so get out and do it.....don't let the holidays rob your joy and/or peace of mind any longer......Frank.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Good Morning. I hope all (or any, as the case may be) have arrived, or are at least in transit, to wherever they have planned to enjoy Thanksgiving. I also hope that those who, for one reason or another, hold most all Holidays in contempt and/or disdain, find some reason this season to at least soften their scorn just a bit. As with most things in life, how we feel and react towards them rest, for the most part, on the way we choose to view them. I'm sure most have shared periods so dark and so bleak we felt certain we'd never find the strength to rise above it. I know I've felt that way (in all probability for the majority of my life) on many occasions, and while I, perhaps, lacked strength enough to rise from those pits, eventually somehow, the strength nevertheless found me. I know, I know.....you're thinking, "What a crock of s...."; and perhaps to some, it may be. But I know the value, and the power of truly believing in one's self, and it's a power against which no other can compete.
Despite how cliche' it may be, "Giving Thanks" for all we have should be first and foremost, not only during this particular time of year, but during all times, all seasons, and for a vast multitude of reasons.
I'm quite thankful for not only what I happen to possess, but incredibly grateful for those most precious "intangibles" which have, for the most part, chosen me. My sister, Jane, for one; my Sons, David and Frank; and my dear friend, Ester, and her mother who is also my friend. I wish all of you a wonderful holiday. Frank.
Despite how cliche' it may be, "Giving Thanks" for all we have should be first and foremost, not only during this particular time of year, but during all times, all seasons, and for a vast multitude of reasons.
I'm quite thankful for not only what I happen to possess, but incredibly grateful for those most precious "intangibles" which have, for the most part, chosen me. My sister, Jane, for one; my Sons, David and Frank; and my dear friend, Ester, and her mother who is also my friend. I wish all of you a wonderful holiday. Frank.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Well, it's almost embarrassing to actually return to this ill-fated brainchild which I've unfortunately allowed to eek out it's existence on Life-Support, without even dropping by occasionally during visiting hours! During the time of my absence I've actually been quite busy with other things, such as finally self-publishing my book, "DIRTY WHITE BOY: One Addict's Lifelong Battle Against Heroin Addiction", abstaining from recreational drug use, and having both of my hips surgically replaced. The latter event brings to mind the question, "What does an individual in Recovery do when suffering from chronic, intractable pain?" There are those like myself, who feel that prescribed medications are acceptable if all other avenues of treatment have been exhausted without benefit. At that point, pain medication allowable.
This is where I find myself poised presently, as for the past ten years or so, I have been a patient suffering Chronic Intractable Pain. Irony certainly has quite the sense of humor, doesn't it? The vast number of years I've spent chasing that elusive dragon, a journey which has cost me relationships, careers, family, friends, reputation, and even pets......all which dovetail into a sweeping arc of painful realities responding only to medication.
And pain is no joke! For over 3 months prior to my first hip replacement, my end-stage Arthritis was so advanced and so painful I was literally bed-ridden, effectively crippled. The pain made sleep virtually impossible; should I have actually been fortunate enough to fall asleep, invariably, the pain would soon wake me! I required a "Walker" to get to the bathroom, a trip which in itself required planning and careful execution. My Surgeon, while visiting me during recovery from my 2nd hip replacement, told me that my left Femoral Neck had actually collapsed.....shattered.....crumbled. No wonder the pain had become so agonizing several weeks prior to surgery!
So, whenever someone asks me how long I've been "Sober", I always say to them, "Define Sober"......before answering the question.
Do I feel guilty about my use of pain medications? Absolutely not, mainly because I distinctly recall just how intense the pain had been; something I'd do anything to avoid recurring.
I hope someone else can add to this discussion.....I look forward to hearing from others.....fruhlpmd......(Frank).
This is where I find myself poised presently, as for the past ten years or so, I have been a patient suffering Chronic Intractable Pain. Irony certainly has quite the sense of humor, doesn't it? The vast number of years I've spent chasing that elusive dragon, a journey which has cost me relationships, careers, family, friends, reputation, and even pets......all which dovetail into a sweeping arc of painful realities responding only to medication.
And pain is no joke! For over 3 months prior to my first hip replacement, my end-stage Arthritis was so advanced and so painful I was literally bed-ridden, effectively crippled. The pain made sleep virtually impossible; should I have actually been fortunate enough to fall asleep, invariably, the pain would soon wake me! I required a "Walker" to get to the bathroom, a trip which in itself required planning and careful execution. My Surgeon, while visiting me during recovery from my 2nd hip replacement, told me that my left Femoral Neck had actually collapsed.....shattered.....crumbled. No wonder the pain had become so agonizing several weeks prior to surgery!
So, whenever someone asks me how long I've been "Sober", I always say to them, "Define Sober"......before answering the question.
Do I feel guilty about my use of pain medications? Absolutely not, mainly because I distinctly recall just how intense the pain had been; something I'd do anything to avoid recurring.
I hope someone else can add to this discussion.....I look forward to hearing from others.....fruhlpmd......(Frank).
Saturday, July 28, 2012
What Have We Learned From Addiction?
WHAT IS DIRTY WHITE BOY?
Dirty White Boy is a discussion centered around Addiction, and addresses the issues, behaviors, characteristics, and commonalities inherent to Addiction, as well as and perhaps more importantly, the mis-conceptions surrounding Addicts themselves. Dirty White Boy is also the title of a book I've written recounting my life as an Addict and the events which led to my Addiction. It describes my initial flirtations with the drug-culture of the '60's, my progressive infatuation with it's Leading Lady (Heroin), and my subsequent devolution into a vile parody of a human being, a baseless creature of habit residing pathetically in my own personal Hell.
For those who see a glass "half-full" as opposed to "half-empty", it is also an optimistic narrative, emphatically illustrating that our future is not cast in stone. Rather, it is malleable; soft and pliable much like clay. Should we wish to intervene and re-evaluate just where our life is heading, our destiny can be altered; its' course diverted, then re-directed along a pathway of our choosing. This does however, require dedication; as well as determination, persistence, honesty, and above all, the desire to leave Addiction in the past. Finally, the latter portion of the book serves as a cautionary tale, pointing out that with success, also come qualities which are anathema to Recovery. For me it was arrogance I believe, which was my catalyst into Relapse. Numerous pitfalls exist in Recovery just waiting for "potential recidivists"; they pose little threat however, as long as one remains honest with oneself, and adheres to their personal set of standards.
In this forum, I would like to discuss what options lay open to an Addict once he or she seriously decides to enter into Recovery. Age is a significant factor regarding an Addict's available opportunities, as is Education, Criminal Record, Marital Status, etc. Those responding can include any factors pertinent to their situation, or none of them as they see fit. I've often heard those in Recovery claim that the system itself is designed to promote failure; in many ways I believe this statement is true. If one is on Parole he/she must secure steady, gainful employment. Following 9/11 however, those with Felony convictions have become virtually un-employable. I know this from first-hand experience. Wall-Mart extends employment to those who are mentally handicapped, a policy which I think is wonderful, but when I applied for work I was categorically rejected. How is a Parolee supposed to find a job if their record excludes them from the workforce?
Also, I would like to examine distinctive traits which might aid recovering Addicts to succeed in virtually any venue they choose. For example, any Addict worth his or her salt must be quite a bit more resourceful than the average Joe. Addicts who lack resourcefulness don't live very long. More than likely, un-resourceful users probably don't become Addicts in the first place, it's just that simple. Instead of regarding all aspects of Addiction as totally negative, try to imagine some of its' aspects as potentially useful. Resourcefulness is one example; others may be perseverance and tenacity. Often these work in concert, or in a complementary manner; each reciprocally reinforcing the other. What qualities made you particularly successful as an Addict? Can traits such as these be of aid to you in Recovery? Use your imagination; a parallax view of the "Skills" you acquired exploring the harsh and brutal world of Addiction, may provide you with an entire array of finely tuned strategies, unavailable to your fellow competing associates. You may be surprised by the wealth of "talent" you've accrued during that period of your life you formerly believed was painfully wasted in pointless desperation.
Dirty White Boy is a discussion centered around Addiction, and addresses the issues, behaviors, characteristics, and commonalities inherent to Addiction, as well as and perhaps more importantly, the mis-conceptions surrounding Addicts themselves. Dirty White Boy is also the title of a book I've written recounting my life as an Addict and the events which led to my Addiction. It describes my initial flirtations with the drug-culture of the '60's, my progressive infatuation with it's Leading Lady (Heroin), and my subsequent devolution into a vile parody of a human being, a baseless creature of habit residing pathetically in my own personal Hell.
For those who see a glass "half-full" as opposed to "half-empty", it is also an optimistic narrative, emphatically illustrating that our future is not cast in stone. Rather, it is malleable; soft and pliable much like clay. Should we wish to intervene and re-evaluate just where our life is heading, our destiny can be altered; its' course diverted, then re-directed along a pathway of our choosing. This does however, require dedication; as well as determination, persistence, honesty, and above all, the desire to leave Addiction in the past. Finally, the latter portion of the book serves as a cautionary tale, pointing out that with success, also come qualities which are anathema to Recovery. For me it was arrogance I believe, which was my catalyst into Relapse. Numerous pitfalls exist in Recovery just waiting for "potential recidivists"; they pose little threat however, as long as one remains honest with oneself, and adheres to their personal set of standards.
In this forum, I would like to discuss what options lay open to an Addict once he or she seriously decides to enter into Recovery. Age is a significant factor regarding an Addict's available opportunities, as is Education, Criminal Record, Marital Status, etc. Those responding can include any factors pertinent to their situation, or none of them as they see fit. I've often heard those in Recovery claim that the system itself is designed to promote failure; in many ways I believe this statement is true. If one is on Parole he/she must secure steady, gainful employment. Following 9/11 however, those with Felony convictions have become virtually un-employable. I know this from first-hand experience. Wall-Mart extends employment to those who are mentally handicapped, a policy which I think is wonderful, but when I applied for work I was categorically rejected. How is a Parolee supposed to find a job if their record excludes them from the workforce?
Also, I would like to examine distinctive traits which might aid recovering Addicts to succeed in virtually any venue they choose. For example, any Addict worth his or her salt must be quite a bit more resourceful than the average Joe. Addicts who lack resourcefulness don't live very long. More than likely, un-resourceful users probably don't become Addicts in the first place, it's just that simple. Instead of regarding all aspects of Addiction as totally negative, try to imagine some of its' aspects as potentially useful. Resourcefulness is one example; others may be perseverance and tenacity. Often these work in concert, or in a complementary manner; each reciprocally reinforcing the other. What qualities made you particularly successful as an Addict? Can traits such as these be of aid to you in Recovery? Use your imagination; a parallax view of the "Skills" you acquired exploring the harsh and brutal world of Addiction, may provide you with an entire array of finely tuned strategies, unavailable to your fellow competing associates. You may be surprised by the wealth of "talent" you've accrued during that period of your life you formerly believed was painfully wasted in pointless desperation.
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