As the Holidays quickly approach, many of us find ourselves sinking into what has variously been described as a void.....a deep, dark, sometimes all-consuming vacuum of despair. A vacuum into which any and all potential for appreciating the season's joyful sentiments, are sucked brutally from our hearts and from our souls. Sound a bit melodramatic? Well, perhaps.....but, not at all melodramatic to those of us who endure this torture year by year. The chemically dependent individuals in this unfortunate population notoriously experience even greater anxiety/depression than those without addiction problems. Because such a large percentage of these folks have undergone persistent alterations in their baseline brain chemistry, it can be argued that this group suffers an unenviable, statistical affiliation. This injurious relationship is what's called an inverse proportionality. Such a reverse correlation exists when the degree of joy experienced  by the non-affected population, is inversely proportional to the degree of depressed anxiety endured by the affected remainder. So, the happier they are, the more unhappy you become.....nothing happy or joyous about that type of association at all.

Realization of this sad correlation unfortunately does not imbue the distressed individual with any consistently proven and/or successful defence to overcome it. That being said, each of us can however, systematically test potential strategies and, by the tried and true elimination process of keeping the good and trashing the bad, build a multiplicity of countermeasures. Tactics which have proven successful to you. By gradually increasing your armament with this and other, perhaps better, perhaps equal to, perhaps less effective techniques, you can hone and polish these defensive mechanisms, using imaginative and creative embellishment. Over time, this will increase their effectiveness by compounding their potency, doing so continually as the years march ignominiously into oblivion. Now.....that's Melodramatic!

What are my particular strategies? Well, primarily I use Meditation as a sort of, "Panacea" against quite a variety of both physical and psychological malware. I lay quietly alone in silence, trying to achieve the virtually impossible esoterism of mental nothingness. Of course, focusing on "Nothingness" precludes all possibilities of achieving it, but as it works for me, that's my story.....and I'm sticking to it. Other ways in which I battle depression/anxiety include such simple but effective strategies as reading, writing, and /or.....yep, I'm gonna' say it......Fantasizing.....including sexual fantasy though not limited to it. It's amazing how fantasizing can eliminate such an incredible amount of mental malaise.....picture yourself as a Rock-Star, or a genius billionaire who just sold his brain-storm garage start-up corporation, and is presently on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....or an Actor who is currently shuffling through an enormous mound of movie scripts, each offering lead roles to the tune of 20+ millions of dollars.....I'll leave the more provocative, latter category to your abundantly creative imaginations.....it's one of those worm-cans which intuitively should be avoided whenever possible, especially within a forum screened and scrutinized for censorship.

You be the judge....you know yourself best.....since you're Addicts, well, that implies that you're also highly creative as well....not to mention resourceful, persistent, and deviously clever.....you know what you can do.....so get out and do it.....don't let the holidays rob your joy and/or peace of mind any longer......Frank.

Good Morning. I hope all (or any, as the case may be) have arrived, or are at least in transit, to wherever they have planned to enjoy Thanksgiving. I also hope that those who, for one reason or another, hold most all Holidays in contempt and/or disdain, find some reason this season to at least soften their scorn just a bit. As with most things in life, how we feel and react towards them rest, for the most part, on the way we choose to view them. I'm sure most have shared periods so dark and so bleak we felt certain we'd never find the strength to rise above it. I know I've felt that way (in all probability for the majority of my life) on many occasions, and while I, perhaps, lacked strength enough to rise from those pits, eventually somehow, the strength nevertheless found me. I know, I know.....you're thinking, "What a crock of s...."; and perhaps to some, it may be. But I know the value, and the power of truly believing in one's self, and it's a power against which no other can compete.
Despite how cliche' it may be, "Giving Thanks" for all we have should be first and foremost, not only during this particular time of year, but during all times, all seasons, and for a vast multitude of reasons.
I'm quite thankful for not only what I happen to possess, but incredibly grateful for those most precious "intangibles" which have, for the most part, chosen me. My sister, Jane, for one; my Sons, David and Frank; and my dear friend, Ester, and her mother who is also my friend. I wish all of you a wonderful holiday. Frank.

Well, it's almost embarrassing to actually return to this ill-fated brainchild which I've unfortunately allowed to eek out it's existence on Life-Support, without even dropping by occasionally during visiting hours! During the time of my absence I've actually been quite busy with other things, such as finally self-publishing my book, "DIRTY WHITE BOY: One Addict's Lifelong Battle Against Heroin Addiction", abstaining from recreational drug use, and having both of my hips surgically replaced. The latter event brings to mind the question, "What does an individual in Recovery do when suffering from chronic, intractable pain?" There are those like myself, who feel that prescribed medications are acceptable if all other avenues of treatment have been exhausted without benefit. At that point, pain medication allowable.
This is where I find myself poised presently, as for the past ten years or so, I have been a patient suffering Chronic Intractable Pain. Irony certainly has quite the sense of humor, doesn't it? The vast number of years I've spent chasing that elusive dragon, a journey which has cost me relationships, careers, family, friends, reputation, and even pets......all which dovetail into a sweeping arc of painful realities responding only to medication.
And pain is no joke! For over 3 months prior to my first hip replacement, my end-stage Arthritis was so advanced and so painful I was literally bed-ridden, effectively crippled. The pain made sleep virtually impossible; should I have actually been fortunate enough to fall asleep, invariably, the pain would soon wake me! I required a "Walker" to get to the bathroom, a trip which in itself required planning and careful execution. My Surgeon, while visiting me during recovery from my 2nd hip replacement, told me that my left Femoral Neck had actually collapsed.....shattered.....crumbled. No wonder the pain had become so agonizing several weeks prior to surgery!
So, whenever someone asks me how long I've been "Sober", I always say to them, "Define Sober"......before answering the question.
Do I feel guilty about my use of pain medications? Absolutely not, mainly because I distinctly recall just how intense the pain had been; something I'd do anything to avoid recurring.
I hope someone else can add to this discussion.....I look forward to hearing from others.....fruhlpmd......(Frank).