DIRTY WHITE BOY

Well, it's almost embarrassing to actually return to this ill-fated brainchild which I've unfortunately allowed to eek out it's existence on Life-Support, without even dropping by occasionally during visiting hours! During the time of my absence I've actually been quite busy with other things, such as finally self-publishing my book, "DIRTY WHITE BOY: One Addict's Lifelong Battle Against Heroin Addiction", abstaining from recreational drug use, and having both of my hips surgically replaced. The latter event brings to mind the question, "What does an individual in Recovery do when suffering from chronic, intractable pain?" There are those like myself, who feel that prescribed medications are acceptable if all other avenues of treatment have been exhausted without benefit. At that point, pain medication allowable.
This is where I find myself poised presently, as for the past ten years or so, I have been a patient suffering Chronic Intractable Pain. Irony certainly has quite the sense of humor, doesn't it? The vast number of years I've spent chasing that elusive dragon, a journey which has cost me relationships, careers, family, friends, reputation, and even pets......all which dovetail into a sweeping arc of painful realities responding only to medication.
And pain is no joke! For over 3 months prior to my first hip replacement, my end-stage Arthritis was so advanced and so painful I was literally bed-ridden, effectively crippled. The pain made sleep virtually impossible; should I have actually been fortunate enough to fall asleep, invariably, the pain would soon wake me! I required a "Walker" to get to the bathroom, a trip which in itself required planning and careful execution. My Surgeon, while visiting me during recovery from my 2nd hip replacement, told me that my left Femoral Neck had actually collapsed.....shattered.....crumbled. No wonder the pain had become so agonizing several weeks prior to surgery!
So, whenever someone asks me how long I've been "Sober", I always say to them, "Define Sober"......before answering the question.
Do I feel guilty about my use of pain medications? Absolutely not, mainly because I distinctly recall just how intense the pain had been; something I'd do anything to avoid recurring.
I hope someone else can add to this discussion.....I look forward to hearing from others.....fruhlpmd......(Frank).